


the things you said when you were scared (the face your fears remix)

by pocky_slash



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Caves, F/M, Gen, Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-29
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-04-06 19:22:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4233702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pocky_slash/pseuds/pocky_slash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I imagine this isn't the last time we'll be down in the caves," Gansey says. "I suggest we use some of this non-magical downtime to get some solid spelunking in. Best to be prepared before we make another attempt at Glendower. What do you say, Jane?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	the things you said when you were scared (the face your fears remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [momebie (katilara)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katilara/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Things You Said...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3785866) by [momebie (katilara)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katilara/pseuds/momebie). 
  * In response to a prompt by [katilara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katilara/pseuds/katilara) in the [remixmadness2015](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/remixmadness2015) collection. 



> Based off Chapter 15 of "The Things You Said..."

"I need to try it again," Gansey is saying to her, staring at her resolutely, and Blue has to rub the sleep out of her eyes and blink long and hard to parse the words.

"What?" she asks, but even as she says it, she's cataloging the climbing gear hanging off of him.

"I imagine this isn't the last time we'll be down in the caves," Gansey says. "I suggest we use some of this non-magical downtime to get some solid spelunking in. Best to be prepared before we make another attempt at Glendower. What do you say, Jane?"

Blue has a lot she could say, starting with, _It's eight am on a Saturday,_ but she sees the tightness of his eyes, the tension in his shoulders. She remembers the sound of his voice as he hung suspended from the side of the cave in Cabeswater, trembling on the edge of panic. She notices the lack of Adam and Ronan, or even Noah, and she understands why he's come to her.

"Let me change and grab a yogurt," she says.

***

The cave isn't _the_ cave, just _a_ cave, a normal set of caverns not sitting on any magical highways. It's listed on a spelunking website that Gansey brings up on his phone as a good starting point for amateurs, so Blue feels confident as they put on their gear and head into the dark mouth of the cave. 

Gansey feels less confident.

His bravado is still there--he still walks like he owns the cave, the mountain, the county, but there's something about it that feels hollow, a slight pinching around his mouth, the way he double and triple and quadruple checks his gear.

"You were fine when we went after my mom," Blue says, trying to keep her words as light as she can manage.

"Well," Gansey says, "I've found that urgency mixed with necessity is very motivating. I'm more concerned about the less critical aspects of the Glendower search. Quite a lot of it is exploring at a more leisurely pace."

Blue can't say that's been her experience, but then, Gansey's been doing this for years. Sometimes it's hard to remember that Gansey existed outside of Henrietta, outside of Adam and Ronan and Noah and the little world they've created for themselves.

"Alright," Blue says. "Then let's do this."

***

The first ledge is a craggy forty foot slope. They barely need the ropes and enough light pours in from the cave opening that their headlamps are useless.

The second ledge is sheer, dark, and straight down. Blue is halfway down when she notices the change in Gansey's breathing. She's on the cave floor when he stops, still twenty feet above her. She can hear him trembling every time he breathes out.

"Come on, Gansey," she calls up, forcing her voice to remain the right combination of cheerful and mean to keep him at ease. "You can't just hang there for the rest of your life!"

"No," Gansey says, his voice high and panicked like it was that first day in the cave. "I imagine eventually Ronan would come in and pull me out."

Blue can see him in the light of her headlamp--he's just past the reach of the last sunbeams, suspended in full darkness. She can tell he's pale even from here, clinging to the rock face unmoving.

"It's not far," she says. "You can do it."

"I don't think I can," he says. "I know--logically, I know, of course, that I'm only associating that buzzing, that sound, with caving because of Cabeswater. There's nothing here. I know there's nothing here."

She hears the doubt in his voice. Hearing doubt in Gansey's voice always makes her feel sick. Someone that arrogant just isn't meant to sound that way.

"This isn't Cabeswater," Blue tells him. "There's nothing here. We're just practicing. There's no unexpected drop. You're not going to fall."

"What if something happens to the rope?" Gansey asks. Each time he speaks, she feels a little more sick. She can suddenly see young Gansey perfectly in her mind, the child terrified of hornets, of the spectre of death lurking in the garden.

"We checked it three times," Blue says patiently, kindly. "The gear is solid. And I know you're not stupid enough to do anything to it yourself, so the rope will be fine when you use it to finish your descent. Which you're going to do right now."

Gansey doesn't move.

"Gansey," she says, and sighs. She can't let herself be exasperated. It makes no sense, his panic, there's nothing to be afraid of, but that doesn't mean it isn't real. "Gansey, just listen to me, alright? You said before that my voice blocked out the buzzing. Listen to it now. If you fall, I will catch you, okay? I promise."

"If I fall, I'm rather sure I'll crush you, Jane," he says with a hollow laugh.

"You're not listening," she says. "If you fall, I _will_ catch you, okay? Not just here. We're all in this together now, right? I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

Blue's throat feels tight as she says it, and in the light of her headlamp, Gansey freezes again. He slowly turns to look at her, and then, after a moment, he turns back to the cliff face and begins to make his way down. She manages to wait until both his feet are on solid ground before she throws her arms around him.

"See?" she says against his ear as he trembles in her embrace. "Easy."

He shifts, tilts his head down so that their cheeks brush together and she's almost drowned by the want of him that has been steadily flooding into her for months now. This is good, she thinks, this can be enough. 

“Yes,” he says on a sigh, the word almost swallowed up by the beat of her heart. "Easy."

He hugs her tighter, and for the moment, it's enough.


End file.
